How to Survive Being Around Your Family for the Holidays

By: Dr. Kaity Brock

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. Images of cozy gatherings, meaningful conversations, and effortless togetherness dominate our cultural narrative. Yet for many people, the holidays also bring heightened stress, emotional fatigue, and complicated family dynamics. Alongside the pressure to buy gifts, wrap presents, cook meals, and travel, there is often the unspoken challenge of navigating time with family members who may trigger old patterns, expectations, or unresolved tension.

While it is comforting to believe that the holidays should feel magical, the reality is that they can be emotionally demanding. Understanding why this time of year feels so difficult can help normalize your experience and make room for self-compassion. From disrupted routines to complicated relationships, several factors contribute to holiday stress. Recognizing them is the first step toward managing it more effectively.

Why the Holidays Can Feel So Complicated

1. You are out of your routine.

Routines help regulate our nervous systems. When we wake up, eat, work, and rest in predictable patterns, our bodies and minds tend to function more smoothly. During the holidays, these routines often disappear. You may be rushing to complete tasks, traveling long distances, or staying in someone else’s home. Even small disruptions like sleeping in a different bed, waking up earlier than usual, or staying up late chatting with loved ones can leave you feeling off-balance.

Sleep disruption is particularly impactful. When you are tired, your ability to regulate emotions decreases, making it harder to remain patient, flexible, or grounded. Similarly, holiday eating habits often differ from your usual routine. Eating more sugar, alcohol, or rich foods can affect energy levels, mood, and overall physical comfort. When your body feels dysregulated, emotional resilience often follows suit.

2. Difficult family members.

The holidays tend to involve extended time with family members or friends you may not see regularly. These relationships often lack the emotional intimacy that comes from frequent interactions and shared connections. Without that foundation, misunderstandings can happen more easily. A joke that feels harmless to one person may feel dismissive or hurtful to another. Conversations may veer into topics that feel intrusive, judgmental, or emotionally unsafe.

Extended family members are often unfamiliar with your boundaries, values, or triggers. They may not know what topics you prefer to avoid or how your sense of humor has evolved. At the same time, it can feel risky or uncomfortable to address these moments directly. Without emotional closeness, speaking up may feel unsafe, awkward, or exhausting. As a result, many people choose to stay quiet, which can lead to resentment, withdrawal, or emotional overload.

3. Social pressure around time and availability.

Holidays often come with the expectation that time should be maximized. If you have traveled to see family or friends you rarely see, there may be pressure (spoken or unspoken) to spend every possible moment together. While this can feel meaningful for some, it can be deeply draining for others, especially those who value solitude or need quiet time to recharge.

For people who are introverted, neurodivergent, highly sensitive, or simply stretched thin, constant social engagement can feel overwhelming. Even enjoyable interactions require emotional energy. Without opportunities for rest or alone time, many people find themselves feeling irritable, depleted, or disconnected from themselves.

Strategies to Make the Holidays More Tolerable

While you may not be able to change your family dynamics or eliminate holiday stress altogether, you can take steps to care for yourself and protect your emotional energy. These strategies are not about avoiding connection, but about engaging in ways that feel sustainable.

1. Take short, intentional breaks.

Research consistently shows that short breaks improve cognitive functioning and emotional regulation during periods of stress. Stepping away even briefly can help reset your nervous system. If your goal is to show up as the best version of yourself, breaks are not indulgent; they are essential. A few minutes alone can make the difference between responding thoughtfully and reacting impulsively.

2. Volunteer to run a quick errand.

Offering to pick up forgotten ingredients or supplies can serve a multitude of purposes. It helps the group, creates a natural reason to step away, and gives you a change of scenery. Even a short drive can provide quiet, autonomy, and a moment to breathe without social demands.

3. Walk the dog or take the kids outside.

Movement is a powerful regulator of stress. Volunteering to walk the dog or supervise kids playing outside offers a built-in break from indoor noise and conversation. Fresh air, movement, and a shift in responsibility can help you feel more grounded and present.

4. Offer to drive someone home or pick someone up.

Transportation roles often come with built-in alone time. Whether you are dropping someone off or heading out to retrieve a guest, these moments can provide mental space and a sense of control over your environment.

5. Consider alternative lodging.

If staying with family feels overwhelming, consider booking a hotel or staying with a friend or another relative. Having a private space to retreat to can dramatically improve your emotional experience. It allows you to decompress, sleep better, and re-enter gatherings with more patience and clarity.

6. Arrive late or leave early.

You do not need to attend every moment of every gathering. Arriving late can help you avoid pre-event stress, while leaving early can protect your energy before you feel depleted. These choices are not failures; they are forms of self-awareness.

7. Create physical and emotional distance when needed.

Sometimes distance does not require leaving entirely. Sitting outside, lying down, or stepping into the bathroom to splash water on your face can provide a quick reset. These small acts of self-regulation can help interrupt emotional escalation and restore balance.

A Final Word

Surviving the holidays does not mean tolerating discomfort at all costs. It means recognizing your limits, honoring your needs, and allowing yourself to engage in ways that feel manageable. Family gatherings can bring warmth and connection, but they can also surface old wounds and stressors. Both experiences can coexist.

By understanding why the holidays feel challenging and by implementing small, intentional strategies, you can create more ease for yourself. The goal is not perfection, harmony, or constant gratitude. The goal is presence with yourself first, and with others as you are able.