Why Do I Keep Feeling This Way in My Relationships?

Belonging, Connection, and Self-Worth in Teens and Young Adults

If you’ve ever wondered “Why do I keep feeling this way in my relationships?”, you’re not alone.

Many teens and young adults notice the same emotions surfacing again and again: feeling frustrated, guilty, overwhelmed, or like they’re “too much” or “not enough.” Over time, these patterns can begin to shape how you see yourself and how you show up in your relationships.

This is where belonging, connection, and self-worth intersect.

Repeating Relationship Patterns in Teens and Young Adults

A common question I love helping clients explore is: “Why do I keep feeling this way in my relationships?"

Many teens and young adults notice the same feelings coming up again and again—whether that’s feeling frustrated, guilty, overwhelmed, or like they’re “too much” or “not enough.” This can lead to habits like people-pleasing, avoiding boundaries, or emotional withdrawal. Over time, this can lead to repeated internal conflict or relational conflict, making it difficult to feel connected to friends, family members, or romantic partners.

When these experiences repeat, it’s easy to internalize them.
Instead of asking, “What’s happening here?” you may start asking, “What’s wrong with me?”

But repeated conflict doesn’t mean you are broken. Often, it means something important is asking for attention.

Conflict Is Not Failure. It’s Information.

Conflict in relationships is not a sign that something is wrong with you or your relationship; it’s part of learning how to connect. Often, conflict is simply information: it points to an unmet need, an unclear boundary, or a feeling that hasn’t quite found the right words yet.

This reframing is powerful for teens and young adults who struggle with self-worth.

When conflict feels like proof that you are “too much” or “not enough,” your nervous system may default to survival strategies:

• People-pleasing to maintain connection

• Avoiding boundaries to prevent rejection

• Withdrawing emotionally to protect yourself

These strategies make sense. They are attempts to preserve belonging.
But over time, they can erode authentic connection — and your sense of self.

The Link Between Belonging and Self-Worth

At the core of many relationship struggles is a deeper question:

Do I belong as I am?

When self-worth feels fragile, relationships can become a place where you constantly scan for signs of approval or rejection. You may over-function, over-explain, or shrink yourself to avoid conflict. Or you may pull away before someone else has the chance to.

Healthy connection requires something different:
The ability to tolerate discomfort, communicate needs clearly, and trust that you can stay connected even when there is tension.

That is not a personality trait you either have or don’t have.
It is a skill set.

How Therapy Builds Healthy Connection Skills

In therapy, I serve as a translator of emotions and a skills builder, helping teens and young adults better understand their feelings and how to express them in ways that feel honest and respectful. With support, these moments of conflict can become opportunities for growth, stronger communication, and healthier relationships.

Therapy can help teens and young adults:

• Identify emotional triggers in relationships

• Understand attachment patterns and connection needs

• Build confidence in setting healthy boundaries

• Reduce people-pleasing and emotional withdrawal

• Strengthen communication skills

• Develop a more stable sense of self-worth

Instead of repeating old patterns, you begin to create new ones.

Building Belonging Without Losing Yourself

Belonging does not come from eliminating conflict.
It comes from staying engaged, even when something feels uncomfortable.

When you learn to see conflict as information, you gain freedom. You begin to understand that your emotions are signals, not verdicts. Your needs are valid. Your boundaries are allowed.

And most importantly:
You do not have to earn connection by abandoning yourself.

Final Thoughts on Relationships and Self-Worth

If you are a teen or young adult who keeps feeling stuck in the same relationship patterns, it may not be about being “too sensitive” or “too difficult.” It may be about learning the emotional language of connection.

With the right support, conflict can become clarity.
Patterns can become insight.
And relationships can become places of growth instead of self-doubt.

Belonging starts with understanding yourself and believing you are worthy of connection, exactly as you are.